Worth in the Exhaustion...

I snapped.

"I'm so exhausted" I told my husband.

After several congested weeks with a jam-packed schedule, I was looking forward to a family get-away. A handful of days to enjoy the coastal sun & fresh air, afternoons of relaxed exploring, and lazy evenings of reading poolside at our hotel. But by the end of day one, the exhaustion of the previous 3 weeks boiled over. Instead of desiring a family vacation, I desired a hole to crawl into. A bed to catch my collapse.

"I can't do all of this. I'm tired, I'm drained, and I've got nothing left." I continued to sob.

I pouted over my parenting, and my lack of patience.

I complained about my inadequacies, and not being good enough.

I was ready to throw in my tattered towel.

But in the midst of my pity-party, God spoke to my heart...

This is worth the exhaustion.

They are worth the exhaustion.

I may not be able to be a supermom or a superwoman, and I may not be able to have my fairy-tale-family-vacation (without bickering daughters and complaints from the backseat). But this is what was needed for me to recognize something essential.

It's worth it.

The tears. The tired. The daily wondering if I'm a terrible mother.

They are worth it. My daughters.

If God, through all of my sin and selfishness, with my tendency to swing emotion from joy to drain, thankfulness to ungrateful, if through all of that, God thinks I'm worth the cost, then through Him I can find the strength to count the cost too.

I cost Him A LOT. Mockery. Blood. Death.

Jesus paid the greatest price for me. For us.

He is loving.

He is patient.

He is kind.

He is long-suffering.

He is all the things I need to parent well.

And it is worth it! They are worth it!

Becoming a Child Again

Do you ever wish you could be a child again? I do.

I look at my children and think that they have pretty good lives...

They are carefree and happy.

They have everything they need provided for them.

They lack nothing.

They don't have to question whether they'll have food or clean clothes.

They don't have to wonder how they're going to get to their next event.

They never wake up in the middle of the night wondering if the budget will stretch far enough.

They know they will be taken care of.

They have parents that they trust will take care of their every need.

I would love to be more like them, more carefree, less anxious.

And I really should be more like them because I do have a parent that cares for me. In fact, He takes care of me better than any parent on earth. God is my heavenly Father, and He has promised to provide everything I need.

Even better, He doesn't just provide for my needs, He wants to bless me with an abundant life. God doesn't want me to be anxious about anything. Instead of being anxious, He wants me to talk to Him about it, and He promises me peace in anxiety's place. He wants to replace my fears with trust in Him. He wants me to relax in His care.

God our Father cares so much that He doesn't just do this for me. God is so loving, He desires to do this for all of His children. He desires for you to be His child too.

You don't just have to wish to be a child again. You can be a child of God.

But to all who believed Jesus and accepted him, He gave the right to become children of God. (John 1:12)

Waves of Life

We ladies sit in our chairs, looking cool in matching hot pink tops.

At first glance one might think we are lounging at a spa, however, luxury is not our goal today. Each lady awaits her routine or first-time mammogram and ultra sound. Magazines and novels occupy our hands and minds, creating an illusion of indifference although we all probably feel some level of apprehension.

I recall the message I read earlier this day in my book of daily reflections. Peter, the spontaneous follower of Jesus, practically falls out of the boat in his eagerness to follow Jesus across the sea. But he panics when he remembers the waves around him. I can relate to Peter's panic. The waves distract me, too.

The book's author cautions the reader not to measure the waves, but to focus, instead on the light from Jesus himself shining across dark waters.

Think of it like this, have you ever noticed how the light looks when a full moon reflects on a river, a lake or an ocean?

It creates a shimmeringg path that holds you breathless. I have often stood at my window in the early hours after midnight to witness this same beauty.

On this morning as I am sitting in the breast cancer clinic, that image speaks something new to me. I must keep on following the light of God's love that reflects radiant across the waves of my life, calling me to entrust the outcomes to Him.

The height of the waves are not my concern. Let my heart trust God for that. My job is to follow Him with one step in front of the other.

A technician calls my name. She is warm and gentle as she turns my body to fit the machine and even though the squeezing and prodding can be uncomfortable, we laugh together at the absurd lengths we must go to get a good picture.

After another wait, the oncologist calls me into her office. She has good news. I have passed the test! Since a radical mastectomy twelve years ago, I have no further signs of cancer.

I am grateful for the One who holds me close and knows what lies ahead. With His help I can rest assured that whatever challenges may come next, I can safely follow Him across the waves of my life.

Waves will arise in all our lives.

Tell Jesus about the difficulties you face and let Him walk this path with you. Don't let fear distract you from your reality - the reliable love of the Lord. He is not afraid of anything. Accept the hand He offers and let your heart take courage.

Be of good cheer, it is I, do not be afraid.
Matthew 14:27