Learning to Follow

In my late teens and into my early 20's, I rebelled against all the instructions God laid out for us so as to lead us through life. It wasn’t obvious to me that I was rebelling; in fact, I was actually quite zealous in my faith and was not afraid to share it. I thought that I was asking God for guidance in every step of my life, but I didn’t sit still long enough to listen for an answer and so I went with what I really wanted.

If I am honest with you and with myself, deep down, I knew what I was doing was wrong.


When I was twenty I fell in love with a self-proclaimed atheist. I thought he was really the most interesting person I had ever met. He talked intelligently on all kinds of subjects and we had many friendly religious debates, which I loved.

When I realized I was pregnant, we got married.

After our second child turned four, our relationship ended. I can’t claim that I regret my decision. That would be like saying that I regret my children. However, I would never recommend single parenthood for anyone. It’s the hardest journey I have ever walked. That man I fell in love with and the father of my children, is not altogether a part of our lives: the kids go to see him on occasion, but spend over 90% of their lives with me.

Did I sin? Absolutely.

Do I feel I’m being punished for my sin? Not really.

See the thing is, as hard as I feel my life is sometimes, I know that it was because of my personal decisions. I feel that if I had given more time to the instructions in the Bible, I probably wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. It took me a few years, but I now realize that God’s laws are not put in place to restrict us, but to help us live safe, full and happy lives.

I feel sure that a lot of my stress and unhappy times would have been eliminated had I just followed God’s way and prompting. You see God gave us the gift of free will. We can do anything with our lives. He knew that our praise and honour would mean much more coming from someone who gave it freely and gratefully.

I can’t take back what I’ve done, and seeing the gift I have been given in my kids, I wouldn’t.

What I can do now though, is live my life according to God’s desire for my life.

Before making life decisions, I look through the Bible, and seek to find my answers there. Most often I find something that relates to what I am going through. I’m also learning how to listen and where to listen. Is it easy? Not always, but the rewards far outweigh the restrictions.

“Now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord’s commands and decrees that I am giving you for your own good?”

Deuteronomy 10:12-13